Finding the Balance

Over the past few weeks I have started the habit of opening up my planner and seeing what was supposed to be our cruise ship count for the day.  We should have had ships in town for just at a month now, it would have been a slow start, but this week would have broken wide open. Doing this everyday brings me mixed emotions. It brings me overwhelming sadness when I think about how many people are missing out on our beautiful home. It also reminds me what I would have been doing, instead of all the things we have filled the last month with that we never have time for during the year. 

You see, I truly love my job. I love the busy season. I love solving stressful problems. I love being under pressure and relied on. I love the people I get to meet from all over the world, guests and crew. I love talking about our home so much that I have narrated full tours in my sleep recently. I love hearing stories about where our guest are from and why they came. And I love the wildlife. I really love the wildlife.

I miss seeing everyones faces when we are watching bubble feeding or breaching humpbacks. I miss people being excited when that dorsal fin of a Orca comes into view. I miss being able to tell the stories of the orcas I can ID and name. I miss the feeling of standing in wonder with guests as we are dwarfed by 4,000 foot cliffs. I miss eating reindeer sausages in the pouring down rain around a fire with a guest who is about to have a s'more for the first time. I miss learning new things about our boats engines and new things to share with guests. I miss the 50th anniversaries, the honeymooners, the multi-generations on a girls trip, the grandparents with their grandchildren, and boy do I miss the kids. I miss making once in a lifetime vacations that much more special.

In the last 2 weeks the dream cruise boats would have visited us twice. Those are long, busy, and stressful days. But they are full of friends who we get to see every couple weeks that I have gotten to know over the last few years. The guests are so happy because they truly have gotten to see some special parts of Alaska most people miss. 

Looking at the calendar reminds me of all the things I'm missing out on. And sometimes that makes me sad. But looking at the calendar shows me all the things I would be missing out on if we had all the ships here. 

On the lowest tide of May we took the skiff out and went camping for 2 days of bonfires, fishing, tidepooling, and abalone and sea weed harvesting. That day would have been the first time a dream boat came into port this year, so I have no doubt that we wouldn't have been able to make our trip happen. 

A Nudibranch from our tidepooling

A couple days later we went camping at the Phocena Bay cabin for the night. With this being mid-May and early into the season, Tristan and I wouldn't have been able to sneak away for 2 days for camping. He would have been busy still training all of our new captains, and I would have been busy making sure the new staff who was just showing up was getting checked in and making sure they were getting all of their training covered.

It's no secret that Tristan and I were planning on getting married this summer. We wanted the ceremony to be simple and unplanned. We wanted to head out to our favorite beach with a few of our favorite friends on a good weather day. As summer got closer I realized just how difficult that was going to be, since most of the people we wanted to go with us also work with us. And then the world was turned upside down. 

So on a beautiful Sunday in May I finally got to marry my favorite person. It was exactly the wedding we wanted. It was a beautiful sunny and flat calm day. Several of our favorite people joined us. We stood in a field of baby beach asparagus with snow capped mountains and Nichol's Passage in the background. We were surrounded by wildflowers, seals, river otters, friends, and so much love! It was the perfect day.  

On May 17th we would have had a cruise ship with tours and an Alaskan Dream cruise ship in, which means no way in hell could 5 of 6 people from our management team sneak away to an island for the day for a wedding. So I am thankful for the slowdown to help us have our perfect day, and I will forever be thankful for this happy time among the chaos. Yes our celebration with all the other people we wanted to be there is on hold (probably till next year), but we are so thankful for the love that was shared with us that day.

I am thankful for all the camping, harvesting, gardening, fishing, and house projects we have had time to do in the last 2 months. This is the first summer in 12 years that I have not been insanely busy with work. I have worked for seasonal companies since my first college job in Myrtle Beach. I have never been able to fully enjoy summer, because I have literally been employed to make everyones vacation great. So this year I am enjoying every second that Tristan and I are getting to spend together.

Don't get me wrong, I cried today when I saw our company was offering a wildlife tour on Monday. I cried tears knowing that I wouldn't be crew on the boat. I've worked hard to know how to do every position, and I was super excited to actually Captain my first tour this year. I love every minute of my job. I live for identifying families of orcas, pointing out pregnant or baby harbor seals, IDing birds, and sharing facts about all of these things. So it stung a little knowing that boats would be going out to look at wildlife without me. 

I was shocked when the wave of sadness came over me today, because I have been on such a high for the last 3 weeks. But it was good to be reminded of where I am. A mixture of being thrilled to have so much free time to enjoy a once in a lifetime summer in Alaska with no working 6 and 7 days a week and missing my job so much it hurts sometimes. So today I let my self cry my tears, and then I went to harvest and process some spruce tips (which I have never have time for before). 

I'm trying to break my new habit of looking at what I was supposed to be doing and I'm just trying to enjoy the day. I don't know when/if I will get to go back to the job that I love so much and that is hard. I don't know when I will get to travel to see my family again and that is harder. So as a friend said today, I just take it week by week. I'll find the balance between tears and bliss. And for the time being I will enjoy my summer long honeymoon of doing all the things we never have time for! 

   

Earth Day

Earth Day has always made me happy. A day that we get to celebrate our home. As an environmental educator, park ranger, naturalist, and someone who genuinely cares its something I strive to do most days. But Earth Day is the simple reminder that we live on a beautiful planet that sometimes needs a little extra love from us. I loved waking up this morning and reading all the beautiful Earth Day posts made by my friends. Beautiful quotes were shared, pictures of favorite wild places, science lessons with my favorite Park Rangers, a reading of the Lorax from my favorite EE staff, and memories of Earth Days when we Marched for Science.

Engine Room checks on the Sea Lion Express with Claire

My favorite quote that I saw this morning was posted by my amazing friend Claire. She has a way with words and can sum up everything that you are feeling in a moment in a very special way. Her writings have inspired me to write again, they have made me laugh, and they have made me cry. Today her words about Earth Day were the first thing I read this morning, so then I laid in bed and thought about what they meant to me.

Her post started with this quote: 

“Knowing that you love the earth changes you, activates you to defend and protect and celebrate. But when you feel that the earth loves you in return, that feeling transforms the relationship from a one-way street into a sacred bond.” - Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass

I have not read Braiding Sweetgrass...but it is on my list. This quote spoke to me. I have loved the earth for many many years. And I can think of exact moments when I felt the earth loved me back.

I fell in love with the earth by way of the ocean at a pretty young age in a small coastal North Carolina town. It also happens to be the town, much later in life, that I fell in love with myself and I fell in love with the "Never Ending Adventure" lifestyle that I adopted. I'm forever grateful to this beautiful town for all of these things. I'm also forever grateful to the people that I met their that inspired me to do all of these things. Jim, the retired marine biologist, who took time to share his knowledge and instill a love for the ocean year after year when I was a kid. Mindy and Meg, my bosses at my first job after college who became much more like family. The staff that I worked with at Sound to Sea who helped me to widen my view points of the world. 

My view the moment I felt the earth love me back

The first place I felt the earth loved me back was in Myrtle Beach in March of 2011. I sat on the beach before sunrise sobbing. I was there to take water samples at the exact time as 30 other students spread across cities beaches. I was sobbing because I had just broken up with my boyfriend the night before and I couldn't sleep, so I drove to my designated sample spot hours early. I sat on the beach and cried for hours, but as I watched the sun come up I felt something in me change. I could feel the power of the love of the ocean and our earth. 

Since that day I have tried to stop and love the earth everyday in some way. But every now and then I get to feel that she loves me back. I felt her the night I sat on the beach and watched a meteor shower overhead and watched a green sea turtle nest hatch. I felt her the night I played with bioluminescence off the end of my dock in Edisto. I felt her watching the sun rise on Cadillac Mountain in Maine. I have felt her many times since moving to Alaska. 

Green Sea Turtle Hatching

Sunrise from Cadillac Mountain

Listening to the Wolves

Waking up on the top of a mountain surrounded by fog and mist to the sound of wolves howling all around was a great way to feel the love of the earth around. There was a day several years ago that I stood with Claire on the top of the Sea Lion Express at the end of a very rough summer during one of our last tours of the year, we were surrounded by Orcas. We were so surrounded by Orcas that our captain turned off the boat, and Claire, myself, and our 12 guests listened to the Orcas in silence. It was a magical moment that I will never ever forget. 

Watching Orcas play around and under our boat with Claire

I think at this moment loving the earth brings me so much calm and grounds me. It reminds me that nature keeps going. Spring is arriving, animals are migrating, flowers are blooming, and nature isn't stopping. Our lives are on pause, but nature isn't. It gives me some sense of normalcy, and I think we all need a little of that. So today on this beautiful earth day, get outside. Have a picnic in your backyard. Take a walk around the block. If you are lucky enough to have trails open near you, go walk on a trail. But take time to notice the flowers, the new blooms, birds singing. These are all things that would be happening whether our lives are on pause or not. And I find that comforting. 

So on this Earth Day go show your love for nature, and if you are lucky you will feel that she loves you back!

Watching the Sunrise at White Sands National Park

Any misty day in the Misty's

So many places I've been privileged to visit for work that have made me feel the love of the earth.

This picnic spot with mom and dad in Whittier

Watching the sunset in Canyon Lands National Park

April 2020

Today is Saturday April 18th, 2020. April is normally a busy month here in Ketchikan, everyone is prepping and training for a busy summer season. When I look at my 2020 planner it says I should be picking up a staff member from the airport today. It also would have been the last slow weekend in my life until October. Next weekend would have been the first cruise ship.

Today was a perfect day. It was almost 60 and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I can almost guarantee you if we were not in the middle of a global pandemic I would have been sitting on the beach around a campfire tonight drinking White Claws with my closest friends. There would be chips and salsa, sausages for roasting over the fire, someone would pull out some Alaska harvest pesto, jam, or pasta that they had made, maybe even some fresh fish, and s'mores for sure. There would be stories of everyones winter adventures and travels, we would all share our hopes for the summer, probably music from someone, we have even been known to fire twirl at bonfires like these. There would be pictures of tonights amazing sunset. And there would be so much laughter and love. That is what today was supposed to be. But our bonfires are on hold, and I'm not sure when I will see my beautiful free spirited friends. They are all hunkered down around the country, some even around the world right now.

But life in Ketchikan is different right now. It is probably similar in some ways to life in your town. People are staying at home, school is closed down for the rest of the year, and most "non-essential" businesses are closed. Ketchikan is sad right now, it is a town that thrives and comes alive in April. Spring arrives and so do about 2,000 people that come to work for the tourist or fishing season, right now there is no one arriving.

Life in Ketchikan is different than usual in April, that is true. But some of that is good too. This is my 6th spring in Ketchikan, and it is the first one I've had time to harvest salmonberry buds and juniper berries. I've explored more beaches and been out on our skiff more in the last month than I have all year, because we have the time. I'm looking forward to more spring harvest, time for fishing, and more time for camping. I miss my job more than words can say, I miss my friends, I miss meeting the new staff I was so looking forward to seeing, I miss the wildlife and the scenery, and I miss all the guests that I would soon be showing around our beautiful home.

Things are different this spring, but that doesn't mean it has to be bad. There was no bonfire filled with all of my friends today. But it was 60 degrees, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Tristan and I went on a walk, explored a muskeg, harvested juniper, and scouted for devils club harvest. I made us a picnic that we ate in our front yard. I laid in the sunshine and read a book. And we had a wonderful dinner. Today was a great day, even if it wasn't what I had planned in my calendar.

I know that things in everyones lives are different right now. I know that things in a lot of people's lives are hard. I know for our community the thought of a summer with no tourists, or even limited tourism, is a very scary and difficult thing to process. We rely on them, believe me I understand. There are a lot of unknowns in our lives in the future. Our lives won't be able to go right back to the way they were, and that is hard to process. But at least for today, I'm choosing to see the positive side (believe me that isn't every day). I'm choosing to see all the things I now have the opportunity for now that the world is on hold.

One day I'll have a bonfire on the beach with my favorite people again. We will watch whales. We will watch the sunset. We will laugh until we cry. We might even decide to go swimming in the bioluminescent water. One day we will listen to the stories of what we have all done since the last time we have seen each other. But until then, I'll enjoy the sunshine, even if the rain is coming. Because today was a good day.

Today I sewed a mask. Tomorrow I turn 30.

2015. I started this blog 5 years ago, that is hard to believe. 5 years ago I had just quit my full time job, moved everything I owned back into my parents house, packed 3 bags every bit of the 50 lb limit  (one mostly field guides), and I left my comfort zone. I spent a couple weeks traveling up the Pacific coast with different parts of may family and then I hopped on a plane to Alaska. And I was sold. I landed in Ketchikan to rainbow stretched over the airport runway, and then woke up the next morning to the house shaking and the wind blowing +120mph. That was my intro to this wonderful little town.  It didn't take me long to fall in love with this place and know that I wanted to stay here.

2016. This is the spring I officially became an Alaskan resident with my drivers license, fishing license, and Xtra-tuffs in hand. Tristan and I had adventures all over. Tristan became a captain. We visited the east coast twice and had a memory filled road-trip through Canada before Christmas in Washington with family.

2017. This year was hard and filled with so many ups and downs. This was also the summer it rained, and it never stopped. I went down in record as the wettest summer ever in Ketchikan. I had a wonderful crew. I lost my voice, and it never really seemed to recover. And I'm pretty sure I saw Tristan for about 12 days the whole summer. I went for a whirlwind Yellowstone visit to see my parents. I worked my first week for ADC. My best friends visited. It was the summer we dipped our toes into berry picking. We ventured through Utah, New Mexico and Colorado that fall. Then I spent some family time back east. 

2018. We decided this year would be for us and we would spend more time together. I worked my first Spring season on the Misty Fjord. We spent so much time at the cabin. We ventured over to Prince Of Wales. We collected all the berries: huckleberries, cloudberries, blueberries, and raspberries. We explored Petersburg, back to Washington, and more of New Mexico and Arizona. And I ventured back to the east coast some more.

2019. This was a very good year. I became an Aunt. I went back to life on the Misty Fjord for a few weeks. My mom came to visit. I worked on a cruise ship for a few weeks. I explored the Kenai Peninsula with family. Dad spent the whole month of September here. It was a summer full of family. It was also a summer full of harvesting to fill the freezer: Beach asparagus, more cloudberries, and cranberries. Visits back east to explore my favorite places with Tristan.

5 years ago I started this amazing adventure and 2020 was supposed to be the best of them all. Tristan and I both had full-time year round jobs. We got engaged and are planning on getting married this summer. We had a celebration party planned and were starting to get invitations ready for people. We were planning on taking a trip to Norway and Germany this fall. 

But we are in the middle of a global pandemic. Something that no one planned on or expected. Our worlds have all been turned upside down. As of this moment, we don't have jobs. Our wedding will be a small ceremony with no celebration afterwards. Our trip to Norway and Germany has been put on hold indefinitely. We aren't the only ones. Everyone I know is changing plans. A lot of them just like me are at a loss. Somedays I'm fine, somedays I have no idea what I am supposed to do when I get up in the morning. 

All I know is today I'm sewing face masks, and tomorrow I turn 30. This isn't the life I hoped for this year, but it is the life we have. It also could be so much worse. I see my friends who are suffering from this horrible virus. I'm thankful that we live on a small Alaskan island where shelter in place means we can still take the boat out to sunny beaches far away from everyone. We can still fish and harvest. We can still hike and camp. And I am thankful for all of these things.  

I miss girls nights, brunches, and coffee dates. I miss burger and beer night on Wednesdays and drinks out on Fridays. I miss the wonderful music scene Ketchikan has to offer (although I'm so grateful for all the Facebook live concerts our local bands have done every week). This week I was supposed to be picking crew members up from the airport and welcoming them to our wonderful home and their new life for the next 6 months. Training was supposed to start Monday. 

Yesterday I watched a whale from the beach and thought of all the things I would say to our staff while watching it. It was an easy whale to watch. It followed a pattern of 3 minute dives after every 2 breaths, nice full fluke, and swimming in a line across the waterway. You see I was born to teach people about the dive patterns of whales, how to identify birds, how to captivate an audience, and how to help people enjoy once in a lifetime opportunities. 

But today I'm sewing masks, and tomorrow I turn 30.

Surprise Yellowstone Adventure

After being in and out of work with loosing my voice through June, I decided to see the doctor just to get things checked out. Well she took me out of work for about a week so I could rest my voice. So I decided with a week out of work to go heal myself with wildflowers, wildlife, waterfalls, and my family in Yellowstone. Since mom and dad are hosting there this summer, I decided to go spend a couple days with them. 

On the first day we drove to Cody to have their camper serviced. On the way out we saw a grizzly and cub. We dropped the camper off and had breakfast at a dinner in town. We did their grocery shopping for the next couple of weeks at the Walmart. I visited a cute little local bookstore for a couple of Yellowstone field guides. The camper was fixed early, so we got back to the campground and set up early enough to go wildlife viewing. 

We spent the next few days doing tourist things around the park. It just so happened my parents had all 3 days that I was visiting off of work. We covered every inch of the parks road system in those 3 days. We watched geysers erupt, waterfalls dropping hundreds of feet, and wildflowers blooming everywhere. We had picnics on the shore of Yellowstone lake, and watched bears, bison, and elk for hours. Over those 3 days we drove almost 500 miles around the park.

It was great to get out of Ketchikan for a few days and to get to spend some time with my parents. My voice didn't completely heal, but it was well worth the trip. Here are some pictures of the Never Ending Adventure and the Ramblin' Ruis's weekend in Yellowstone.

Yellow-Bellied Marmot 

Elk

Sunset over the Yellowstone River

Beehive Geyser

Arch at the North Entrance  

 

Pronghorn

Trumpeter Swans

Lower Yellowstone Falls

Dad and I at Yellowstone Falls

Grand Canyon of Yellowstone

Yellowstone Lake

Lupine

Baby grizzly playing among the wildflowers

Swimming bison called submarines 

Little baby bison

Grizzly bear and Bison in the valley

Sandhill Cranes

Old Faithful

Bear watching

Old Faithful

The Junior Rough Rider Teddy 

My 4 days in Yellowstone were a much needed adventure! But until October when the Never Ending Adventure and Ramblin' Ruis's meet up in Utah, I said goodbye to my parents for a few months. And with that I will leave you with this posts quote, from none other than Teddy Roosevelt. 

There are no worlds that can tell the hidden spirit of the wilderness, that can reveal its mystery, its melancholy, and its charm.